How To Make Sure You Have A Bad Church Experience

Whether or not you attend Good Shepherd, there are certain things you can do that will ensure you have a bad experience in Sunday worship:

  • Assume the worst. Be wary of the smiles of the people sitting next to you in the pew. Question the preacher’s motives. And of course . . . have assurance that the people in charge of the money are mis-using it.
  • Look for mistakes. Listen closely for any off-key note by the band or choir. Jot down the preacher’s grammatical errors. Share all faux pas in the bulletin with your friends.
  • Evaluate the fashion sense of other worshippers. If you don’t do it, who will?
  • Compare your pastor with Andy Stanley. Um, Andy always wins that one. Whoever your pastor is.
  • Compare your worship leader with Chris Tomlin. See above.
  • Decide whether people surrounding you are “spiritual enough” based on how many raise their hands during music. Of course.
  • Think about all the people you know who aren’t in church that day — your spouse, children, or friends — but who really “needed” that sermon. Then tell the pastor that on the way out. Make sure you’re not on the list of people who “needed” it.
  • Keep your bible closed between Sundays. Ditto for your prayer list.
  • Continually ask, “what am I getting out of this church?” Don’t ever ask, “how can I give to God & the community through this church?”