A Word from CharlotteONE On Dating, Relationships, And Sex

On Tuesday evening, I went to CharlotteONE, an eclectic gathering of 20s and 30s now meeting at the Visulite Theater in the Elizabeth District near uptown.

I serve on CharlotteONE’s Board, which means I get to help ensure they stay focused on the three-fold mission:  Get Connected, Make A Difference, Find Your Purpose. 

And on the night of my visit, Ross Chapman, CharlotteONE’s Executive Director, launched a new teaching series called Summer Lovin’.

He had so many nuggets that are worthy of repeating, that I am going to do just that:  repeat them.  Here goes:

  • Today’s relational arc goes like this:  Attraction – Sex – Dating – Living Together – Marriage (maybe!)
  • Thinking sex is just physical devalues every single human being as an individual. We have separated sex from intimacy.  Yet, it is the most intimate act human beings do together—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 
  • Sexual compatibility is easy, relational compatibility is not.
  • The relationship is the key to happiness, and getting involved sexually on the front end of a relationship masks unhealthy relationships and ultimately undermines sexual satisfaction.
  • Married couples together 20+ years with a healthy sexual relationship would tell you that it’s the relationship that drives the sex, not the other way around.
  • Living together has become a beta test for marriage that person.
  • The wedding day has become the new idol. The average 2014 wedding cost $31,213.
  • “Marriage isn’t about becoming happier. It’s about becoming better. But ironically, in becoming better, we often find that we’ve also become happier.” (Debra Fileta, counselor)